Forever

[Leigh narrating]

It has been three months since I talked to the doctor and been told a heinous news. Well, the news was as simple as bidding adieu to everyone in just three months. This week, may be my last and it was so crass of me that I never told my boyfriend, oh let me scratch that, my fiance. Last month, he asked me to marry him, I said yes, but I think I'm changing my mind. I think I should connive towards him, I should be cold, or maybe not. I dialed his phone number, and he answered it in just two rings.

"Can we talk?" I know how I sounded, it's somehow pathetic in my part.

"What for?" I can feel how worried he is. We haven't talked for a week, because of such things, like their business, I miss him so much. "By the way, I miss you." I felt happy hearing those words, yet, guilt is haunting me.

I want to tell him that I miss him too, but I didn't. Instead, "Meet me now in the cafe near your place."

"Okay." I hung up the phone before he could say more. I know how gauche I've been towards him, but I just don't know how to act.

In less than five minutes, he arrived. His obeisance to me made me feel so important while I act like he's nothing to me. A bit of silence formed between us.

"I want to tell you something. / So, are we gonna talk about our marriage?" we said in chorus, then he made a patois telling me go ahead, so I did.

"Uhmm, yeah. We're gonna talk about it. I just want to..." how the hell am I going to tell him?

"W-What?" he started breaking his voice.

"Cancel it, let's just cancel it. I feel like I don't love you anymore." I lied, my words are too bogus. I lied to myself and to the person I love, but I made my voice as affable as I can. I left without any word, but before that I forced a smile to allay.

'Brevin, I love you. I am sorry that I lied. I just don't you to marry a dying person. I know you'll find someone better than me, a healthier person whom you'll grow old with. Sorry, for breaking my promise that we'll be forever, I just can't stand to see you say "I do." to someone who won't be at your side forever.' I said to myself. Those words were just for him, but I am just too weak not to tell him honestly. I know he'll understand, soon.

[Brevin narrating]

"You may now kiss the bride." people clapped their hands after the priest announced those words. It's nice to see a wedding ceremony, I enthused for my cousin's destiny. It's something you'd be proud of.

A year had passed since she left. I know there are to many girl in this world but what about them? I don't love them, like either. They just can't get my attention as much as she does. I still love her. Leigh will always be in my heart, forever.

After my cousin's wedding with Rhian, they asked me to attend the reception, but I insisted not to. I'll visit her.

I went to that place where she stays, she's silent, again. I remembered that day. That same day when she asked me to cancel our wedding.

Late at night that day, her mom called me, I was supposed to refuse the call since I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone. I've been hurt so much, still I answered it. I can feel that it's really important.

"Hello?"

"Vin!" yeah, that's how people call me, it's only Leigh who completes it. "Leigh's in the hospit--." I hung up the phone, I know what's next. I did everything to thwart my tears to fall. Leigh is my weakness, I just love her that much. Being into rush, I forgot to ask where hospital, so I went to the one nearest to their house. She was brought there, I made sure after I left the nurse station. I went straight to where she was brought. There, my tears traced my cheeks, I was so stupid. I saw her parents and her dad approached me. He gave me a letter.

"The doctor hasn't went out yet. Let's just pray for her safety. We found out awhile ago that she doesn't drink her medicine anymore. Maybe, she thinks it's nonsense because she is going to die no matter what. Be strong for her." he wheedled for me to compose myself as he patted my shoulder.

'Brevin. First of all, I love you, I know that you know. I'm so stupid to lie on you. Funny because you believed, or maybe not. So yeah, I'm sick. I wish you knew how sorry I am for keeping this. Haha. You know why I changed my mind about marrying you? Simply because I love you so much. I don't want you to marry me, because I know that soon enough, I'll be leaving. I don't know when, it could be today, so, I wrote this already. Maybe, now that you're reading this, I'm gone. I wish all the best things for you. I wish you'll always be happy even if I'm not with you anymore. Sorry for the promise I broke. I hope you'll understand all of this. I really really love you. Please swear that you'll be happy for me. Someday, you'll be given condign love. It may not come from me, but I know it'll be perfect for you. Again, I love you, forever.'

As soon as I finished reading her letter, the doctor went out.

"Sorry." that one word meant a lot. I cried. Without any word, I sashayed into the room. I hugged her for the last time, though, I know I'll get no response.

A year had passed yet it's still painful remembering that day. I wish she's happy wherever she is, because it is her smile, and only hers, that completes me. More years will pass but I know, no one will ever be like her, and there will be no other girl for me. I love her, forever.